SERIES 5 CYCLE 5 - SCTV NETWORK

John Candy | Joe Flaherty | Eugene Levy | Andrea Martin | Martin Short | with Mary Charlotte Wilcox

Series 5 Cycle 5

Directors: John Blanchard, John Bell
Writers: Dick Blasucci, Paul Flaherty, Mike Short, Bob Dolman, John McAndrew, Doug Steckler, Jeffrey Barron
Producers: Patrick Whitley, Nancy Geller


DVD Volume 4 (discs 4-6)

1 (112) A Star Is Born
2 (113) SCTV Classifieds / Vic Arpeggio
3 (114) Bobby Bittman Retires
4 (115) Sweeps Week
5 (116) Sammy Maudlin: South Sea Sinner
6 (117) 3D Firing Line: Midnight Cowboy II

SCTV now begins its programming day. Yes, SCTV is still on the air. Starring John Candy, Joe Flaherty, Eugene Levy, Andrea Martin and Martin Short. This is the SCTV television network!
Narrator - staff announcer

Series 5 CastCycle 5 finished shooting in mid-February of 1983, the final show airing 18 March. After much to-and-froing in the press between the network and producer Andrew Alexander, including offers for 30 minute best ofs to air in prime time over the summer that Alexander turned down, and talk of replacing Saturday Night Live (which ultimately never came to pass due to the fact that NBC owned SNL, unlike SCTV), NBC ultimately cancelled the show.

The cycle features only one real wraparound episode, Sweeps Week, which ranks with Towering Inferno and Indecent Exposure, a bit short of the classics. Nevertheless, it was nominated for three Emmys, and won for best writing. Cycle 5 features plenty of classic moments, including six new episodes of The Days of the Week. Notable firsts include the first Vic Arpeggio mystery, a note-perfect parody of the 1959 TV series Johnny Staccato and film noir generally, and Half Wits, successor to High Q and hosted by a still stressed Alex Trebel. Martin Short introduces one of his best characters, Bradley P Allen, president of Scrapco and host of Artisans and Their Art. Cycle 5 is also notable for the multi-episode travails of Sammy Maudlin sidekick William B. Having walked off Maudlin during the 23rd Anniversary show in Cycle 4, William gets his own show in episode 3, and is finally welcomed back to Maudlin in episode 5.

The cast was again augmented by Mary Charlotte Wilcox (Idella Voudry makes her first appearance) and John Hemphill, among others.

Best of the Best: Bobby Bittman Retires, Midnight Cowboy II

5/5 - 1 A Star Is Born with Crystal Gayle
Airdate: 28 January 1983

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The Days of the Week returns for another six episode run. Other notable sketches: the first Half Wits, Artisans and their Art, hosted by Scrapco CEO Bradley P Allen, and A Star is Born, starring Crystal Gayle.

Additional Viewing: A Star Is Born is a parody of the 1976 version of A Star Is Born, starring Barbara Streisand and Kris Kristofferson. Scenes From an Idiot's Marriage parodies Scenes From a Marriage, while the typewriter scene is straight out of Who's Minding the Store, and the name mispronunciation and seltzer bottle gags are featured in The Errand Boy.

Syndication Note: A Star Is Born was cut from the syndicated shows.

DVD Note: Stars In One theme music ("Off Broadway" by George Benson) replaced, also requiring new announcer voiceovers.

Opening

1 Commercial: Chateau La Feet 114,169

A young wine for those special occasions.

Perini Scleroso - Martin; Beautiful People, tourists - Carol Robinson, extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: A Star Is Born announcer - staff announcer


2 Half Wits 120

Alex starts by chatting with the contestants. The first category is articles of clothing found in a bedroom. The second is European cuisine. Alex decides to have the contestants pick a number from 1 to 10. Prize: seat covers from Vinyl World.

Alex Trebel - Levy; Darren Peel - Candy; Blanche Ray Kellogg - Martin; Arthur Andrew-Leggett - Flaherty; Lawrence Orbach - Short; Johnny Ola (announcer) - Candy; assistant - extra

BUMPER Promo: Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up announcer - staff announcer


3 Promo: Ingmar Bergman's Scenes From an Idiot's Marriage 99

Jerry Lewis stars as a writer in a marriage that's breaking up.

Jerry Lewis - Short; Harriet Anderson - Martin; Dinner guests - extras; announcer - staff announcer

4 Promo: Monster Chiller Horror Theatre: Tip O'Neill's 3D House of Representatives 128

Floyd's got another winner.

Clips: Tip O'Neill's 3D House of Representatives

Tip urges us to sign a bill.

Tip O'Neill - Candy

Floyd tries to convince us that was scary ("You don't think that's scary? That bill could become law!").

Count Floyd - Flaherty; Stage hand - extra

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER "This is the SCTV network. Now that's television ." announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

5 SCTV Special Presentation: A Star Is Born Part 1

Top singer John Norman Mane walks into a bar where Esther is singing with Big Momma. They bomb and someone throws a bowling ball, so Momma clears the room. John tells Esther to change her name and leave Big Momma. She leaves with John. A month later, they're still living together. He gives her some advice for her lyrics ('more critters'). He goes to do a TV gig, shows up wasted, interrupts his song, and gets Esther to go on. She brings the house down ("Our Love Is On a Fault Line").

Kris Kristofferson as John Norman Mane - Flaherty; Esther Blodgett - Crystal Gayle; Clip Clark - Candy; Big Momma - Martin; Club MC (voice only) - Levy; diners, crew, crowd - extras; announcer - staff announcer


5a SCTV Special Presentation: A Star Is Born Part 2

Esther becomes a huge success, while John's career goes downhill and his drinking gets worse. At the Grammies, Esther wins Best Female Singer (presented by Milton Berle and Debby Harry). John Norman shows up drunk, causes a ruckus, and gets thrown out. Esther makes her speech, while John takes a walk....

Kris Kristofferson as John Norman Mane - Flaherty; Milton Berle - Levy; Esther Blodgett - Crystal Gayle; Clip Clark - Candy; Debby Harry - Wilcox; diners, crew, crowd - extras; Willie Nelson - extra; carwash - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Stars In One announcer - staff announcer


6 Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up: Dustin Hoffman as Tootsie 110

Dustin Hoffman, as Tootsie, gets sensitive about being a woman, prepares, and blows up. Next week, Bonnie Franklin.

Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; Dustin Hoffman - Short

7 Scrapco Presents Artisans and their Art: Tommy Shanks Hall Opening 114

Brad has clips from the opening party of the new Tommy Shanks Hall. Brad chats with some artists ("are you necessary, or are you just there for effect?") and gets loaded.

Host: Bradley P Allen - Short; Joel Goldstein, conductor - Levy; Lyle Gaffer - extra; Denise Hagarty, tuba player - extra; Renata Price, coluratura - extra; bartender - extra; caddy - extra; other party guests - extras; Mrs Allen - extra; Allen's caddy - extra; maid - extra; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER "Still on the air, this is the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

8 The Days of the Week episode 7 110

The aftermath of the Clay Collins wedding. Sabian, concerned about Wainwright's mental state, talks with Wainwright. Mojo gets a call from Mrs McKay, who has gone to New York. Billy arrives, despairing at not finding a job. Mojo has taken a liking to Billy. Rocco, in jail, talks to his lawyer and decides to finger Wainwright. Janet visits May, who is still suicidal. May has a flashback.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; Rocco's lawyer - Hemphill; May Madlock - Martin; Janet Halsey - Wilcox; Zach Harrington - Thomas (in clip from previous series); prison guard - Roger Dunn


9 Promo: Stars in One: Steve Roman 127

Part 7 of Brock's look at the man behind the physique... His huge weight gain after being signed to a 3 year contract by SCTV... His relationship with Merle Oberon... Steve Roman the actor (he pretends real hard)... His new movie, "Hey You, You Want a Cab", where he's mastered the New York accent...

Brock Linehan - Short; Steve Roman - Candy


10 Melonville Calendar: Idella Voudry from the Ladies Auxiliary Lounge 135

Yolanda reads some items, and then interviews Idella Voudry, ladies attendant at the Ladies Auxiliary Lounge, who has read every book in the Melonville Public Library, seen some celebrities in her time, and enjoys Pearl S Buck.

Yolanda Devillbis - Martin; Idella Voudry - Mary Charlotte Wilcox


Credits - To It and At It riff (as used in A Star Is Born) by Paul Flaherty

5/5 - 2 SCTV Classifieds / Vic Arpeggio
Airdate: 11 February 1983

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To encourage small business advertising, SCTV cuts its ad rates, resulting in a series of homemade ads for several micro-businesses. Also features the classic Stars In One profile of child star Rusty Van Reddick and the first episode of Vic Arpeggio Private Investigator. Jayne Eastwood guests as the moderator for Philosophers at work.

Additional Viewing: Vic Arpeggio is inspired by the 1959 TV series Johnny Staccato (thanks Philip Berggren). Koffler and Meltzer parodies Cagney and Lacey, the 80s buddy cop show featuring two detectives who happen to be chicks.

Syndication Note: Steve With Love was cut from syndication.

DVD Note: Sandler and Young's version of 59th Street Bridge Song cut from the Sammy Maudlin Show; Stars In One theme music ("Off Broadway" by George Benson) replaced, also requiring new announcer voiceovers.

Opening

1 Commercial: Robin Williams for Taing 146,173

Robin Williams does his improvisation schtick for Taing.

Robin Williams - Short; Pitch man - Flaherty; crew - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Stars In One
Brock Linehan - Short; announcer - staff announcer


2 Message from Prickley: I Want to do My Own Commercial 113

Phil now owns the largest chain of nail stores in the tri-city area because SCTV allowed him to advertise at rates he could afford. This week, SCTV is cutting its rates for small business. Edith invites people down to the station to do their own commercials.

Edith Prickley - Martin; Phil the Garment King - Levy; Phil's assistant - Wilcox; warehouse guys - extras

3 Stars in One: Oh That Rusty! 138

Brock takes a behind the scenes look at the 29-year running comedy Oh that Rusty! The show opens with a clip from a 1954 episode.

Clip: Oh That Rusty! 1954

Rusty Van Reddick - Rob Godfrey; Barbara B Davis as Mother - Martin

Brock talks to the producer Hal Rosen to find the secret of the show's success. Hal discusses the show's evolution; by the 60's, the show was clearly stagnating.

Clip: Oh That Rusty! 1966

Rusty Van Reddick - Short; Barbara B Davis as Mother - Martin

In the 70's, the format was changed, and Barbara Davis was dumped in an attempt to update the show. Brock talks to Barbara, who is now the Pickle Lady. She was replaced by a large black man.

Clip: Oh That Rusty! 1971

Rusty Van Reddick - Short; Father - extra

Rusty is still played by the 43 year old Rusty Van Reddick, who is now the driving force behind the show. We see behind the scenes looks at the writing, and shooting of a new episode.

Stars In One is A Linehan/LaRue Production.

Brock Linehan - Short; Rusty Van Reddick - Short; Hal Rosen - Levy; Barbara Davis - Martin; writers - Mike Short, Dick Blasucci, Doug Steckler, John McAndrew, Bob Dolman

BUMPER Promo: Sammy Maudlin Show "Hear Metropolitan Opera virtuoso Luciano Pavarotti later tonight on the Sammy Maudlin Show." announcer - staff announcer


4 SCTV Classified: Dwayne Millage's Homemade Towel Dispenser Plans 113

20 cents for plans for towel and toilet paper dispenser plans.

Dwayne Millage - Candy; Edith Prickley - Martin

5 Promo: Koffler and Meltzer 128

Just like Starsky and Hutch, only with chicks.

Judy Koffler - Martin; Ida Meltzer - Wilcox; crook, doctor - extras; announcer - staff announcer

6 Promo: Steve with Love

Steve's very first variety special, a Valentine's thing. He's learned to sing, dance and do comedy, which can be hard for a serious actor like himself.

Steve Roman - Candy; Dentist - Flaherty; Nurse - extra; band - extras

BUMPER Promo: Vic Arpeggio Private Investigator announcer - staff announcer


7 Vic Arpeggio Private Investigator Part 1 136

The 1960 black and white classic. Vic, a sax player and private investigator, gets a call from Mr di Fonzia, who needs protection. Vic goes to see Mr D, demonstrates his bargaining skills, tells how he got fired from the Joe Negri Trio, and takes the case. But first he has to go to a gig. He arrives back to find Mr D dead.

Vic Hedges as Vic Arpeggio - Flaherty; Rhoda Girelle as Velma - Martin; Lorne Banner as di Fonzia - Levy; Colin Quinn as Piano Player - Levy; Viola - extra; Maid - extra; Heckler, drummer, audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer


7a Vic Arpeggio Private Investigator Part 2 136

Next morning (well, evening at 7:30) Vic meets Billy, Velma's fiancée. Velma starts to fill Vic in on what happened the night before, but Vic has to go to the final night of the gig, where his bandmate hassles him about wearing too many hats. When Vic gets back, he finds Billy dead, and Velma pulls him off the case.

Vic Hedges as Vic Arpeggio - Flaherty; Lyle Metzger as Buddy Hackett as Billy Hilton - Candy; Rhoda Girelle as Velma - Martin; Colin Quinn as Piano Player - Levy; Detective Jacobi - Short; Cops - extras; Viola - extra; Heckler, drummer, audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: The Wall of Mice "The Berlin Wall - a line of demarcation that is no-man's land. It is however not so intimidating to a certain member of the rodent family. The Wall of Mice." announcer - staff announcer


4a SCTV Classified: Linda Voce's book of poems The Spam Dagger 113

1 dollar for poetess Linda Voce's book of poems.

Linda Voce - Martin; Edith Prickley (off screen) - Martin

8 The Sammy Maudlin Show: Sandler and Young, Luciano Pavarotti 149

Joined in progress. Sandler and Young bring the show down with their act. Sammy boots them off the show and brings out Pavarotti, who remarks on William B's absence (William B walked out on the last show), talks about his diet, his movie, and does a number ("right to the good stuff"). He falls through the floor.

Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; Luciano Pavarotti - Candy; Tony Sandler - Short; Ralph Young - Levy; announcer - staff announcer

The Days of the Week recap; announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

9 The Days of the Week episode 8 114

The newspaper headline is "Rocco Fingers Wainwright". Wainwright reflects on his problems. Sabian comes in, and Wainwright asks him an ethical question. Mojo's prepared a meal for Billy and makes out with his picture. Janet drops in and spoils Mojo's plans. Billy visits Rocco in jail to see just what kind of low-life Rocco is.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; Janet Halsey - Wilcox; Prison guard - Roger Dunn; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Building a Better House with Karl Bildenhausen announcer - staff announcer


4b SCTV Classified: Duard Weese Driving Drunks Home 113

Duard will drive you home for 25 dollars.

Duard Weese - Flaherty; Edith Prickley (off screen) - Martin

10 Building a Better House with Karl Bildenhausen

Karl goes to a hardware store with his dog Prinz.

Karl Bildenhausen - Candy; jogger, store employee, bystander - extras; Prinz - dog extra

BUMPER Promo: Ben Vereen "Ben Vereen - next week on SCTV." announcer - staff announcer


11 Promo: Philosophers at Work: The Flintstones 145

The philosophers argue over whether The Flintstones is indeed a rip-off of the Honeymooners.

Moderator: Greta Kubler Cooke - Jayne Eastwood; Gary Hofsteder - Candy; Clive Bushy - Levy; Bernard Adler - Flaherty; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER


BUMPER

Credits - The Man With the Golden Arm (from Vic Arpeggio) by Bernard Hermann

5/5 - 3 Bobby Bittman's Retirement with Ben Vereen
Airdate: 18 February 1983

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Features a short wraparound about Bobby Bittman's retirement from showbiz and subsequent comeback. Also features the continuation of William B Williams' mutli-story arc as he hosts his very own show. A classic of discomfort comedy, the William B Williams Show is such a disaster that not even William B can take it and he walks off his own show. The William B Williams Show includes the first appearance of legendary songwriter Irving Cohen.

Syndication Note: the Steve Roman sketch (It's In the Kurds') was cut from syndication; the Bittman retirement wrap was edited slightly.

Opening

1 Commercial: Ronco's Shower in a Briefcase and Blow Dryer in a Briefcase 108

Get clean anywhere.

Pitchman - Short; Announcers - staff announcers, Wilcox

2 Promo: It's in the Kurds

Steve stars as a scottish undercover Kurd fighting Russian invaders in Afghanistan. His most difficult role yet. Lots of great accents.

Steve Roman - Candy; Kurds - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up with Bernadette Peters announcer - staff announcer


3 Bobby Bittman's Las Vegas Show 154

Bobby arrives for rehearsal and chats with his opening act, Ben Vereen. Ben rehearses. That evening, his act goes down a storm ("The Joint is Jumping"). When Ben upstages Bobby and the promoter decides to make Vereen the headliner, Bittman decides to retire.

Ben Vereen - Ben Vereen; Bobby Bittman - Levy; Stage Manager - Candy; Mickey the Promoter - Short; Crew, entourage, crowd - extras


4 Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up: Bernadette Peters 86

Bernadette pouts, sings, bawls and blows up.

Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; Bernadette Peters - Martin

5 Promo: The True Story of Billy the Kid 124

Ed stars in this gripping true life portrayal of Billy the Kid.

Ed Grimley as Billy the Kid - Short; Mr Garrett (voice only) - extra; Announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: People and Things announcer - staff announcer


6 People and Things: Retirement 154

A look at retirement, and, specifically that of funny man Bobby Bittman. First, an overview of his career (Bittman montage: Goodbye America, The Sammy Maudlin Show monologue, Solid Gold Telethon, On the Waterfront Again, Funny Stuff, Dick Cavett Show).

Interview: Bobby Bittman at his Idaho Farm

Angela interviews Bittman at the isolated farm in Idaho that he has retired to.

Bobby Bittman - Levy; Angela King-Fisher - Wilcox

Some final comments and discussion.

Martin Davis - Candy; Angela King-Fisher - Wilcox

BUMPER Promo: The William B. Show announcer - staff announcer


7 Promo: Masterpiece Theatre: In Celebration of Alternatives 127

A series of 3 plays celebrating alternative lifestyles.

Clip: Gertrude Stein, Gertrude Stein

Pat Carroll as Gertrude Stein - Candy; Dutch Leonard as Alice B Toklass - Martin

Clip: Dutch of Duke Street

Dutch Leonard as Dutch Lewis - Martin; Edwardian chaps - Short, Levy, extras; Lady - Wilcox

Clip: Personal Best

Dutch Leonard as Billy - Martin; Woman - extra

Alistair Cook - Flaherty

8 The William B. Show Part 1 153

William B comes running out and falls into the camera, injuring his ankle. He explains why he's got his own show - he walked off Sammy Maudlin because he was bringing the ratings down. He does his monologue and bombs (his McLean Stevenson joke in particular).

William B Williams - Candy; announcer - staff announcer; crew, heckler - extras

BUMPER


8a The William B. Show Part 2 153

William's first guest is Irving Cohen. Irving makes up a song on the spot based on William's name. William tries to bring out his other guests Eddie Arcaro and Tom Driessen, but they both left. However, Sammy Maudlin saves the show by making a surprise appearance. He gets Irving to tell a story. William B starts bawling and walks off his own show. Sammy takes off, leaving Irving to finish his story and sing a song he wrote for Al Jolsen.

William B Williams - Candy; Irving Cohen - Short; Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; stage hands - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week recap; announcer - staff announcer


9 The Days of the Week episode 9 119

Sabian makes a house call to May Madlock. Janet joins them in time for his prognosis - she's nuts. Wainwright visits Rocco in jail, brings him a sandwich, and convinces him, after hard bargaining, to keep his mouth shut. Mojo's throwing herself at Billy, and foils a date, so he fires her.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; May Madlock - Martin; Janet Halsey - Wilcox; Prison Guard - Roger Dunn

BUMPER Promo: Sunrise Semester with Claire Warmel announcer - staff announcer


10 Promo: Bobby's Back! 154

Bobby's back with a new special. His monologue is full of recycled material from the People and Things interview.

Bobby Bittman - Levy; announcer - staff announcer

11 Commercial: Shirt Glue 122

Avoid the embarrassment of shirt tails hanging out. "You won't get tucked without it."

Guy with shirt tails hanging out - Short; Auctioneer - Candy; Smart Guy - extra; chick, crowd at auction - extras

BUMPER


12 Sunrise Semester: Communicating With Extremities with Claire Warmel 185

Hands and how to use them. Step 1, getting a raise. Step 2, getting out of boring conversations. Step 3, the pause and reflect maneuver.

Claire Warmel, actress - Martin; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER


Credits - The Joint is Jumping instrumental

5/5 - 4 Sweeps Week
Airdate: 25 February 1983

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Emmy winner: outstanding writing in a variety or music program.
Emmy nominated: Outstanding directing in a variety or music program (John Blanchard/John Bell) and Outstanding individual achievement special visual effects (Bill Goddard/Gary Smith)

SCTV's longest wraparound show finds a poltergeist of television's past haunting the station during sweeps week, and Guy must call in the services of a technology savvy clairvoyant. Originally aired during February, which is apparently a Sweeps Month in America, when the networks pull out all the stops to get ratings. The Days of the Week is the only sketch not linked in some way to the wraparound. Johnny LaRue's final appearance on SCTV is in a minor promo, Jumping For Dollars (and this is his only appearance in series 5).

Additional Viewing: Poltergeist. The Long Hard War is probably inspired by the 1983 blockbuster miniseries The Winds of War. In 1982, SCTV was nominated for Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Program, but lost to a sweeps week special called Night of 100 Stars; Linda Lavin and Gavin MacLeod were among the hundred. Murray's File is a spoof of The Shulman File, which aired on CITY-TV from 1977-82 and was hosted by Dr Morton Shulman (thanks Stephen Dopp).

Opening

1 Message from Guy: Sweeps Week 106

Guy prepares us for Sweeps Week.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty

2 SCTV Sweeps Week Tri-Promo 106

SCTV has an all-star line up for Sweeps Week.

Jumping for Dollars

Johnny LaRue - Candy; Jumping women - extras

Dallas Cowgirls Salute Copland

Cowgirls - extras

Night of the Prime Time Stars

Linda Lavin - Martin; Lorne Greene - Levy; Jamie Farr - Short; Merlin Olsen - Candy; Gavin MacLeod - Flaherty

Announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER


3 Night of the Prime Time Stars Rehearsal Part 1 106

Ed wanders into the Control room while Linda Lavin rehearses her number. The other stars chat in the green room. Merlin and Jamie rehearse their sketch ("Susquahanna Hat Company"). After much provocation, Merlin decks Farr. Control has a problem with Master Control.

Linda Lavin - Martin; Director - Levy; Ed Grimley - Short; Lorne Greene - Levy; Jamie Farr - Short; Merlin Olsen - Candy; Gavin MacLeod - Flaherty; miscellaneous people - extras; control room crew - extras

4 Poltergeist Wrap Part 1: Master Control 106

Ed descends to Master Control, where he is confronted by Ralph Cramden, who vaporizes him and turns into an energy ball.

Ed Grimley - Short; Jackie Gleason - Candy


5 Promo: SCTV News: Sweeps Week Items 107

Earl has an update on the item's they will be covering: house of prostitution raid, lingerie fashion show, strip search at girl's academy.

Earl Camembert - Levy; staff, hookers, models - extras

4a Poltergeist Wrap Part 2: Guy's Office 106

Gus reports Ed's disappearance to Guy - all he's found is some star dust. Ed then appears on one of Guy's monitors.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Gus Gustofferson - Levy; Ed Grimley - Short

6 Promo: The Long Hard War 106

The novel that fell just short of being a bestseller comes to TV. An SCTV sweeps blockbuster. A naughty nazi visits the bordello for a spanking.

Madelaine - Jayne Eastwood; Monique - Kathy Laskey; Nazi - Candy; Hookers - extras; Announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week - scenes from last week's episode; announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER Sweeps Promo: Night of the Prime Time Stars announcer - staff announcer

4b Poltergeist Wrap Part 3: Men's Room 106

Gus proceeds to the men's room, where he runs into Arlene Francis, who vaporizes Gus and turns into an energy ball.

Gus Gustofferson - Levy; Arlene Francis - Martin

7 SCTV Sweeps Week Promo

SCTV has an all-star line up for Sweeps Week.

Jumping for Dollars

Johnny LaRue - Candy; Jumping women - extras

Dallas Cowgirls Salute Copland

Cowgirls - extras

Announcer - staff announcer

8 The Days of the Week episode 10 124

May Madlock is concerned about bacteria. May has been asked to testify at Wainwright's trial. Wainwright has a flashback to the first day he met Rocco and revealed the plan to get McKay's money. Sabian brings news that Rocco has escaped. Rocco arrives at the McKay apartment and takes Mojo and Billy prisoner.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; May Madlock - Martin; Janet Halsey - Wilcox; bar guests - extras; announcer - staff announcer


3a Night of the Prime Time Stars Rehearsal Part 2 107

Lorne rehearses some songs. In the Green room, Merlin and Linda talk to Gavin about his luck.

Lorne Green - Levy; Merlin Olsen - Candy; Gavin MacLeod - Flaherty; Linda Lavin - Martin; bystanders - extras; Director - Levy; crew - extras

4c Poltergeist Wrap Part 4: Guy's Office 107

The cops aren't really concerned about Ed and Gus' disappearance. Prickley is too busy to help. They leave. Caballero then sees Gus on his monitor.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Cop - Short; Cop - extra; Edith Prickley - Martin; Gus Gustofferson - Levy; crew - Blasucci (voice only)

6a Promo: The Long Hard War II 107

The novel that never quite made it to paperback. An SCTV sweeps blockbuster. In this clip, an American GI opens his heart to a hooker.

Monique - Kathy Laskey; American GI Duke - Levy; announcer - staff announcer


9 Murray's File: Sweeps Week 107

Murray's got representatives from all the networks to discuss sweeps week. While they discuss, the NBC guy gets vaporized by the Mouseketeers, to the astonishment of all.

Murray Shulman - Levy; CBS representative - extra; CBS Lawyer - Flaherty; ABC representative - Wilcox; Lionel Napier-Humphries (CBC) - Short; NBC representative - extra; Mouseketeer Roy - Candy; Mouseketeers - extras

6b Promo: The Long Hard War III 107

The monumental novel universally panned by the critics comes to TV. An SCTV sweeps blockbuster. The Sarge and a bad raw green kid visit the bordello.

Madelaine - Jayne Eastwood; Monique - Kathy Laskey; Sarge Rhode Island - Flaherty; North Dakota - Short; Hookers - extras; announcer - staff announcer

4d Poltergeist Wrap Part 5: Guy's Office / Video Arcade 107

The NBC guy appears on Guy's monitor. Guy calls for help. Pert takes the call in a video arcade.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; crew - Blasucci (voice only); Pert - Martin; Edith Prickley - Martin; Arcade patrons - extras; secretary - extra

BUMPER Promo: Night of the Prime Time Stars. Announcer - staff announcer 107


10 Night of the Prime Time Stars Part 1 107

The blockbuster opening number ('What a Show').

Director - Levy; Lorne Green - Levy; Linda Lavin - Martin; Merlin Olsen - Candy; Jamie Farr - Short; Gavin MacLeod - Flaherty; Studio audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer

4e Poltergeist Wrap Part 6: Computer Room 108

Pert arrives at the computer room and takes command. She looks at the dust analysis and profiles of the missing people.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Pert - Martin; Computer techs - Hemphill, Ron James

10a Night of the Prime Time Stars Part 2 108

The Susquahanna Hat Company sketch; Merlin decks Farr again, but apologizes. Gavin MacLeod comes out with a tribute to Bonnie Franklin, and is (justifiably) vaporized by the energy ball.

Jamie Farr - Short; Merlin Olsen - Candy; Director - Levy; Studio audience, Crew - extras; announcer - staff announcer


4f Poltergeist Wrap Part 7: Computer Room 108

Pert tracks the energy ball on the computer floor plan. Pert figures that the ball is the id of television. Jackie Gleason tries to get into the Computer Room.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Pert - Martin; Computer techs - Hemphill, Ron James; Jackie Gleason - Candy


4g Poltergeist Wrap Conclusion: Studio 108

Pert, Guy and Hemphill go to the studio to jam the energy ball. Pert makes the ultimate sacrifice and rams the ball. Guy finishes off with a stirring speech.

Guy Caballero - Flaherty; Pert - Martin; Computer tech - Hemphill; Gus Gustofferson - Levy; Ed Grimley - Short; NBC guy - extra; crew guy - extra; Babe - extra; Jackie Gleason - Candy (voice only)


Credits - 'What a Show, What a Cast' from Night of Prime Time Stars

5/5 - 5 South Sea Sinner with Betty Thomas
Airdate: 11 March 1983

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William B Williams returns to the Sammy Maudlin Show, the Shmenges host a beauty pageant, and Jackie Rogers Jr plugs his upcoming special, Jackie, We Hardly Knew Ye.

Additional Viewing: South Sea Sinner is a spoof of the 1949 film of the same name (imdb entry).

Syndication Note: The Miss Leutonia Pageant and Driftwood Inn commercial were cut from syndication; Sammy Maudlin and South Sea Sinner were edited.

1 Promo: The Women Who Donahue Forgot 158

Two women attend a Donahue taping but don't get to ask a question.

Women - Martin, Betty Thomas


2 Commercial: James Whitmore in Give 'Em Hell, Larry 136

James Whitmore portrays Larry Fine in this one-man stage show.

James Whitmore as Larry Fine - Flaherty; announcer - staff announcer

3 Commercial: Stan and Edna Boil's Prairie Warehouse and Curio Emporium: Vegas Junkets 145

Stan has made Edna an honest woman (and taken her name) by marrying her in Vegas. Now they are promoting fun-filled Vegas junkets and quickie marriage tours.

Edna Boil - Martin; Stan Boil - Candy

4 Commercial: Western Redundancy Playhouse Theatre 138

Drama from the wide open spaces where a man could always find room for an extra part of speech.

Clip: Deadman's Wager Bet

Sheriff Law Man - Candy; Poker Card Players - Flaherty, Levy; Extras - extras

Clip: The Homesteader Settlers

Grocer - Hemphill; Woman - extra

Clip: The Frontier Pioneers

John - Short; Mona - Wilcox

Announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Sammy Maudlin Show with Betty Thomas announcer - staff announcer


5 Commercial: Catcher in the Rye Rye 127,171

From the bottlers of Moose beer, a new Canadian whisky. And in every bottle, a life-like porcelain statuette of a famous catcher.

Announcer - staff announcer; second announcer - Paul Flaherty

6 Promo: Jackie, We Hardly Knew Ye 119

Jackie Rogers Jr plugs the story of Jackie Rogers Sr, in which he gets to play his father.

Clip: Jackie, We Hardly Knew Ye

In the early days, Jackie Sr used his kids in his vaudeville act. But his kids are taken away by the Children's Authority and he loses his livelihood. He hits rock bottom working as a sparring partner, where he runs into Jack Carter, who he worked with in the old days. Jack arranges Jackie's comeback special 'Old Mother Nature, She Loves Me'.

Clip: Old Mother Nature, She Loves Me (R5)

Jackie Rogers Sr - Short

Jackie Rogers Jr as Jackie Rogers Sr - Short; Jack Carter - Levy; Woman from Children's Authority - Jayne Eastwood; Jackie's kids - extras; Don King - extra;

Jackie Rogers Jr - Short; Announcer - staff announcer; Bev the make-up artist - Beverly Schectman

BUMPER Promo: Sammy Maudlin Show with Betty Thomas announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

7 The Sammy Maudlin Show: Betty Thomas Part 1 158

William B is back! And doing what he does best, which is be a second banana. Their first guest is Betty Thomas, who's brought a clip from her new movie.

8 South Sea Sinner Part 1 158

Wayne and Pierre arrive at Cognac's Bottom of the Barrel Club, where Paul Revere is doing a revue. Paul's a bit displeased. He mouthes off about Cognac, who arrives back unexpectedly from his vacation. Cognac goes up to see Coral. Coral is a woman who misbehaves, and Cognac is obsessed with her. Coral performs her song stylings to great applause. She joins Wayne and Paul at their table. Cognac spots her and punishes her. Wayne comes to her defense. Cognac gives him multiple slaps.

Coral - Betty Thomas; Cognac - Candy; Tony Sandler as Pierre LePlume - Short; Ralph Young as Wayne Hathaway - Levy; Paul Revere - Flaherty; Bartender - Hemphill; Andelea - Martin; Stuart Granger, Billy Carter, George McGovern, Bani Sadr, drifters - extras

William B Williams - Candy; Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; Betty Thomas - Betty Thomas

BUMPER


7a The Sammy Maudlin Show: Betty Thomas Part 2 158

South Sea Sinner continues.

8a South Sea Sinner Part 2 158

Wayne and Coral run along the beach. Cognac is spying on them. Cognac plans to have Wayne murdered - he tells Andelea, the serving girl, to hide in Coral's room and shoot Wayne when he enters. Later that evening, Cognac has a few too many Cognacs and stumbles up to Coral's room by accident.

Coral - Betty Thomas; Cognac - Candy; Tony Sandler as Pierre LePlume - Short; Ralph Young as Wayne Hathaway - Levy; Paul Revere - Flaherty; Bartender - Hemphill; Andelea - Martin; police - extras; Stuart Granger, Billy Carter, drifters - extras

William B got the producer to play Betty's entire movie, so they've run out of time. Betty's a bit ticked. (Note: produced by Hudgie DeRubertis)

William B Williams - Candy; Sammy Maudlin - Flaherty; Betty Thomas - Betty Thomas

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week recap; announcer - staff announcer


8 Commercial: The Driftwood Inn St. Patrick's Day Special

Give mom a break on St Patrick's Day. Chef Kwong's special: Cantonese Corn Beef and Cabbage. Room temperature drinks, all dyed green. Three days and one night special, eight dollars more for the Dennis Day suite.

Announcer - Levy; Chester and Gert Watt, mom, diners, Chef Kwong, obedient staff - extras

9 The Days of the Week episode 11 127

Rocco ties Mojo and Billy up, and Mojo confesses her love for Billy. Janet arrives at May's to find her on the phone. Sabian is trying to calm Wainwright down. Rocco shows up at Wainwright's window. Wainwright gets rid of Sabian, and then convinces Rocco to turn himself in and take the rap once again.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; May Madlock - Martin; Janet Halsey - Wilcox

BUMPER Promo: The Happy Wanderers - The Miss Leutonia Pageant; announcer - staff announcer


10 The Happy Wanderers: The Miss Leutonia Pageant Part 1

Stan and Yosh discuss women. They introduce the finalists. They look back on the week.

Clips: Miss Leutonia Pageant Week

The contestants arrive, do some sight-seeing. The domestic talent contest. They visit the Candles of the World Show.

Contestants - extras

Stan Shmenge - Levy; Yosh Shmenge - Candy; contestants, audience - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER


10a The Happy Wanderers: The Miss Leutonia Pageant Part 2

The traditional Leutonian gown competition. They announce the runner-up and the winners. It's a four-way tie. The victory walk.

Stan Shmenge - Levy; Yosh Shmenge - Candy; contestants, audience - extras


11 Editorial Reply: Troy Soren on Capital Punishment 118

Troy responds to an editorial by Earl ('Hanging's too good for them').

Troy Soren - Short; Announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER


Credits - Sammy Maudlin Show theme

5/5 - 6 Midnight Cowboy II with Joe Walsh
Airdate: 18 March 1983

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The Queenhaters

Emmy nominated: outstanding writing in a variety or music program

A set of unconnected sketches featuring many recurring characters, including a new Count Floyd vehicle, 3D Firing Line, which takes a look at Midnight Cowboy II, Ed Grimley in Whatever Happened to Baby Ed, the final episode of The Days of the Week (with cameos by Catherine O'Hara and Carol Burnett), as well as The Fishin' Musician, Stars In One, and perhaps the finest Mel's Rock Pile - the tribute to punk rock. Not a bad way to leave network television.

Additional Viewing: Midnight Cowboy and What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?. The February 1982 TV special Johnny Goes Home where the king of late night Johnny Carson returns to his Nebraska hometown.

Syndication Note: The Fishin' Musician was cut; Prickley at Melonville Baths was edited.

DVD Note: Midnight Cowboy II music, Everybody's Talkin' by Harry Nilsson, replaced; the outro music for The Fishin' Musician ("Gone Fishin'", performed by Bing Crosby and Louis Armstrong) has been replaced; Stars In One theme music ("Off Broadway" by George Benson) replaced, also requiring new announcer voiceovers.

Opening

1 Promo: Edith Prickley Live from the Melonville Baths 109,176

Edith, the consummate entertainer, sings, tells jokes, spins plates, rides a unicycle, dances. Charlton Heston reads from the letters of Alexander Hamilton.

Edith Prickley - Martin; Charlton Heston - Flaherty; Men at the Baths - extras; announcer - staff announcer

BUMPER Promo: Farm Film Celebrity Blow Up with Neil Sedaka announcer - staff announcer


2 Commercial: What Ever Happened to Baby Ed? 135

Skip prepares his brother Ed lunch. Note: Ed is watching The Nutty Lab Assistant on TV.

Ed Grimley - Short; Boris Burgess as Skip - Candy; announcer - staff announcer

3 Farm Film Celebrity Blow-Up: Neil Sedaka 114

Neil Sedaka sings real high and blows up.

Big Jim McBob - Flaherty; Billy Sol Hurok - Candy; Neil Sedaka - Levy

BUMPER Promo: Fishin' Musician announcer - staff announcer


4 The Fishin' Musician: Joe Walsh Part 1

Gil tries to avoid having the footage from the trip shown, but the band insists. The look at clips of the band taking Gil on a snipe hunt. They abandon Gil in the forest.

Gil Fisher - Candy; Joe Walsh and band - Joe Walsh, Joe Vitale, Waddy Wachtel, George "Chocolate" Perry; guides, Willie Nelson - extras

BUMPER Promo: Fishin' Musician announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER "This is the SCTV television network" announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

4a The Fishin' Musician: Joe Walsh Part 2

Gil's embarrassed. The band does a song ("I Can Play that Rock and Roll All Night"). After the song, Gil gets his revenge.

Gil Fisher - Candy; Joe Walsh and band - Joe Walsh, Joe Vitale, Waddy Wachtel, George "Chocolate" Perry; guides, Willie Nelson, Ozzie Nelson - extras

BUMPER Promo: 3D Firing Line announcer - staff announcer


5 3D Firing Line: Midnight Cowboy II 135

Floyd introduces some clips from today's topic, Midnight Cowboy II.

Clips: Midnight Cowboy II

Enrico and Joe meet in a bar. Joe agrees to lets Enrico become his manager. They walk the streets of Toronto, trying to hustle. Back at the apartment they argue some more because Joe hasn't scored.

Woody Tobias Jr as Enrico Ritzo - Levy; Dr Tongue as Joe Buck - Candy

Count Floyd's guests have a roundtable discussion about the picture. Pauline trashes it, Tongue and Woody argue about it. Floyd then turns the discussion over to the guest moderator, The Pittsburgh Midget. Note: accommodations provided by The Driftwood Inn.

Host: Count Floyd - Flaherty; Dr Tongue - Candy; Woody Tobias Jr - Levy; Pauline Kael - Wilcox; Steve, The Pittsburgh Midget - Paul Flaherty

BUMPER Promo: The Days of the Week recap announcer - staff announcer


6 The Days of the Week episode 12: The Trial 128

The courtroom. Wainwright and Sabian are sitting together, each lost in his own thoughts. Janet congratulates Billy and Mojo. Rocco is brought in. Mojo takes the stand, but gets the oath wrong. Billy trips over the rail on the way to the stand. Wainwright tells Rocco to confess to speed things up. As Rocco looks about to spill the beans, Wainwright confesses the whole thing, and then says he was just kidding. Wainwright and Sabian get thrown out.

Dr Elliot Sabian - Levy; Dr William Wainwright - Candy; Mojo - Martin; Billy McKay - Short; Rocco - Flaherty; May Madlock - Martin (credits only); Janet Halsey - Wilcox; Rocco's lawyer - Hemphill; Prison guard - Roger Dunn; Woman in courtroom - Carol Burnett; Late Woman - O'Hara; Bailiff - Dick Blasucci; Prosecutor - John McAndrew; Judge Roy Bean - extra; public, clerk - extras


BUMPER "You're still watching the SCTV television network." announcer - staff announcer


BUMPER

7 Mel's Rock Pile: Punk Rock Tribute Part 1 145

Mel talks to some of the kids. First up is Hudgie DeRubertis Jr, son of one of the original Rock Pile dancers. Lawrence Orbach (later of Half-Wits fame) is next. Stephan Seely from Pre-Teen World shows up and presents Mel with a plaque.

Mel Slirrup - Levy; Stephan Seely - Candy; Lawrence Orbach - Short; Hudgie DeRubertis Jr. - Flaherty; Debbie Devillbis - Martin; dancers - extras

BUMPER


7a Mel's Rock Pile: Punk Rock Tribute Part 2 145

Mel talks to Debbie Devillbis, who is being escorted by her girl friend, Joey. Special guests The Queenhaters, from England, play a number ("I Hate the Bloody Queen") to the unresponsive crowd.

I Hate the Bloody Queen

I've always had a dream
I'd like to meet the queen
I'd punch her in the face
Yeah, that would make me laugh

I'd love to kick her in the teeth
And then I'd make a picture of it
In lovely Ektachrome
And then I'd give it to the prince

(Chorus)

I hate the bloody Queen
She made me go to school
I hate the bloody Queen
And all her bloody rules

(solo)

I'd like to drown the Queen
Off the coast of Argentine
Throw her off a battleship
With her Falkland war machine

She taxes me to death
I can't afford me dope
I'd like to get her high
Yeah, that would make me laugh

(Chorus)

I hate the bloody Queen (repeat x3)

I feel sorry for you Lady Di
Havin' a mother-in-law like that

Continuing the tribute, Mel has a slam-dancing competition. Mel gets trampled and Mad Dog (U of Michigan), a large black man, cleans up. Mad Dog's not too thrilled with his prize, however. (Stephan Seely appears courtesy Pre-Teen World.)

Mel Slirrup - Levy; Stephan Seely - Candy; Lawrence Orbach - Short; Hudgie DeRubertis Jr. - Flaherty; Debbie Devillbis - Martin; Mad Dog Melvin Brown - Gene Mack; dancers - Dick Blasucci, extras

The Queenhaters - Short (vocals), Levy (lead guitar), Candy (drums), Flaherty (bass), Martin (guitar)


8 Commercial: Harry's Discount Sex Shop: Snake Channel 128

Harry has a cable channel. He describes some choice bits of programming. Not available in Canada.

Harry, the man with the snake on his face - Candy

9 Promo: Stars in One: Brock Goes Home 128

Brock returns to his hometown and talks to his family doctor, his phys ed teacher ("Just one basket"), and his first love.

Brock Linehan - Short; Father Merlon Oberon - Candy; Dr Ambrose Liston - extra; Lucille Morealle - Martin; diners - extras


Credits